Home has been so many places in my life. I was born in Nashville, TN, but lived in Texas from the age of 2-15. After just two years of high school and one year at Belmont, I moved to Knoxville for four years and then Atlanta for ten. We've been back in the Nashville area for four years now, but it's never been the place I imagined calling home forever. On top of all the moving, having a pilot father afforded me the opportunity to travel the globe from a very young age, and my career has continued to take me all around the world. So, you can see why maybe small town life feels... well, too small sometimes.
For my birthday, I gifted myself a trip to one of my favorite places on the planet; New York City. Actually this is my 36th trip to NYC, for my 36th birthday. CRAZY, I know! More than just a trip though, I gifted myself a few days in the life of my teenage dreams. You see, I've always said "I love to visit, but I could never live in Manhattan"... but sometimes I really wish I'd tried. Deep in the depths of my heart, I've held onto the dream of a NYC life. The little apartment, the big career, the late nights and early mornings in the city that never sleeps. On my hardest and quietest days, I've felt the ache of that dream stronger than I care to admit. I desperately want to savor all that the Lord has blessed me with, but that city girl dream just kept rearing its head. And so, at the altar one Sunday morning, I begged God to help me let it go. To give me the desires of my heart not by giving me what I think I want, but by changing my hearts desire to match His will for my life.
Well... I've just finished that birthday trip and I'll tell you what, it was absolute MAGIC. Like, take my breath away, most exhilarating and energizing days of my life kind of magic. The city lights from my hotel window, the walk to work, the all black wardrobe I was MADE for... the food, the shows, the baseball game... the long run in Central Park, the art, the vibes, the SHOPPING! It was absolutely everything I ever dreamed of and its days I can easily imagine repeating forever. I mean, I know it's dirty and overcrowded but my gosh, I don't know, something about the city just makes me feel alive in a way I cannot ever put into words. I know for a fact that I actually really would love living in Manhattan. But you know what one thing Manhattan doesn't have... my people.
The city has great people in it, no doubt, and I'm certain I could build a life full of people I love here too... but why? I already have my people, and they aren't here. They are under our roof at home, and around the restaurant tables in small town Tennessee. They are in every group text, in the car rider line at school, and on the sidelines of all the sports. And so, to NYC, I must say: I love you, but you will never be my home. In my head, I've always known that was true, but from this south-bound airplane window seat, I think my heart finally knows it too.
Don't worry, I'm not headed home with rose colored glasses. Parenting is exhausting, marriage can be heartbreaking, friendships get messy, and seasons of life change faster than we want them to, but every bit of it is exactly where the Lord wants me. So, it's exactly where I want to be. I'll continue to visit NYC with obnoxious frequency and enjoy every single moment of this place, but I am more excited than ever to be headed HOME. Cheers to many more years of back road runs chasing sunrises, and endless campfire nights listening to the sounds of friendship.
As I reflect on another year around the sun, I want to say thank you to all my people for making Tennessee home. You know who you are, and I love you all so much.